Children! There is a plethora of advice out there on the different approaches to parenting. So I will add my two cents on it. There are a lot of correct ways to parent, with only a few ways that are wrong, wrong, wrong. That is great news! I believe it relieves a lot of the stress and worry. You can raise your kiddos the best way you know how and as long are your kids are healthy mentally and physically, you are doing just fine. If you have worries, or you are drawing a blank as to how to handle a situation, there are, as I said, a lot of different parenting styles out there. You can choose one that fits you, or blend styles.
It takes a lot of mess a kid up too, in case you are worried your angry outburst of kicking a chair might ruin their lives. I know that I worry that I am not a fun mom. I’m not. I get irritable having to repeat myself and I will totally tell them “I told you so” after they hurt themselves doing the very thing I told them not to do. I saw a video of someone saying we shouldn’t do that, but, well, that video can piss off. Gentle parenting is one way, Authoritarian another. Some people let their children run wild and free and other’s schedule their kids to a T. What works for you AND what works for the child.
I have this idea in my head of the kind of mother I want to be. I am so far from that, it’s hard at times to keep going. Raising my children is a mental and emotional roller coaster, and the ultimate guessing game. This game has very few rules, and having impossible social media standards can make one be harder on oneself than need be. Often, your child is going to thrive if you love them and have their well being in mind, regardless of the mistakes that we make along the way. And we will, and do, make mistakes.
Child’s Play
When it comes to raising kiddos, I would say play is one of the most important parts. Children need to play. It allows their creativity to thrive and they learn the world around them when they play. It is very easy to let the tv entertain our children (I am definitely guilty of this), but I have found that my kiddo’s energy is far more focused and inquisitive when they are allowed to run around and experience the world. I am grateful to have a backyard for my kiddo to explore. Children need fresh air. They need to be able to express their curiosity and creativity.
I liked something I read a while ago, that it takes only ten minutes of one on one time with your kiddo a day. And, honestly, I find that works amazingly well. When my son is trying to get my attention, to come play with him, I really only need to do ten minutes and he is satisfied. I am now able to get done what I need to get done and he got to have some love and attention. And I get some one on one time too with my kiddo that I did not realize that I needed. Stay off the phone and pay attention for ten minutes. It will do wonders. Works on my baby girl too. It’s hard to give that time with two kiddos needing to be feed, cleaned, and cared for, but it can be done.
Sleep Training
This is apparently a hot button topic in the parenting social media world. Some people find it cruel to sleep train. I am not in that camp. I sleep trained both my kiddos. While part of my success is because my kiddos are good sleepers in general, I feel the work my husband and I put into sleep training has helped them sleep through the night early on and in their own rooms. This is not to condemn anyone who does it differently.
I had a family member get upset when I was explaining sleep training, as she thought I was calling her a bad parent because she did not use a scheduled bed time. That is up to the individual couples to decide. Sleep training worked for us. My son easily transitioned to sleeping on a toddler bed. We have our sleep regressions from both, and their schedules get messed up from time to time, but for the most part, they are in bed by 2000 (8 PM).
Naps are so very important for kiddos. This same family member has told me over and over again that “soon he won’t need a nap anymore”. But not right now. There is no play book to say when things are to be done. This is a good thing. Every kiddo is different and has different needs. I have a tendency towards a structured bedtime. My mother did not have that. I’ve known people who slept in their parents beds until they were near teenagers, and they turned out to be some of the smartest, put-together people I know. If something isn’t working, then change your strategy.
Feeding your Child
For some reason, we are so harsh on each other for our choices on how we feed and wean our little ones. There are strong opinions on formula, on organic, on even HOW to use a spoon to spoon feed your baby. And they will tell you that there is only one proper way. Again, your children are yours for a reason. You understand them better than anyone. Learn from and take advice from your parents, your grandparents, your friends, and whatever social media influencer you want, but do what works for you. Don’t feed or do something simply because that is the way it has always been done.
I talk about foods for kiddos in my other article on Healthy Eating. What I would add is don’t give your kids your special diet. Don’t push veganism on them. Don’t push the carnivore diet. Kiddos need a rounded, healthy, diet. Fruits, veggies, proteins. Animal product-milk! Unless you want to breast feed for years, cow milk is good for children. If you have any questions as to when to start your kiddo on solids or go off formula, your pediatrician is a good place to start.
Essentially, your infant should be on formula or breast fed until at least one year. At a year old, you can start introducing cow milk. This is due to the proteins in cows milk are more difficult to digest, according to my doctor…and the CDC. My babies were able to start eating purées around 4 months. Look at other indicators like the ability to sit up on their own before moving on to more solids. I gave chunkier purées at 8 months along with some food to practice munching on like bananas and strawberries. Your kiddo will let you know if this works for them.
Here is the CDC guidelines for reference
Disciplining Children
Discipline is hard. It really is, because it is not just for your kiddo, it is for you too. There is a huge push for gentle parenting now-a-days. I can say it kind of works sometimes…As with anything, you need the right tool from your tool box. Spankings may be necessary for the hard headed. Sometimes a hug is what your kiddo needs. Whatever you decide to do, remember that to discipline is to teach. The purpose of the discipline is to correct a behavior, not a punishment because you are mad. And you will get mad. These little humans know how to push all the buttons, all the while you are tired, in a brain fog, and need a snack (but you don’t want to eat your snack because your little human will come and eat your snack. Because mom snacks are way better than any other snack.)
This is probably one of the areas that I fret over the most. Toddlers need correction. They are brand new! It is difficult because they do such silly things, I have to remind myself not to demean. They are not adults, therefore they are not given the leeway of teaching adults. But they are little innocent spirits in need of guidance. Sometimes the angry voice comes out, because I’m human, but they are under my stewardship. I ought to care for them even better than I would care for any employee under my supervision and mentorship.
James E. Faust stated in the article Disciplining With Love “Child rearing is so individualistic. Every child is different and unique. What works with one may not work with another. I do not know who is wise enough to say what discipline is too harsh or what is too lenient except the parents of the children themselves, who love them most. It is a matter of prayerful discernment for the parents. Certainly the overarching and undergirding principle is that the discipline of the child must be motivated more by love than by punishment.”
Potty Training your Child
If you are nervous about potty training, we are in the same boat. I was drawing a blank as to how to even introduce potty training to my toddler. Luckily, My son took to potty training quite well. We did the three day training. No pants or underwear the first day and part of the second. He really didn’t like not wearing anything, oddly enough, and kept asking for pants. So part way through day two, since he was doing pretty well, he got loose pants. He did great. Every now and then he has an accident, but those are few. He wears a diaper at nighttime and naps.
When is a little bigger, we can transition to pull-ups and then plain ol undies. I hope it goes this smoothly with my daughter. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. Potty training is work. You have to stay vigilant. But it is worth it to see your little one get more independent. And you don’t have to keep changing diapers. One day!
The thing is, I read a few books beforehand. I checked online how people were doing this. I asked a few of my friends who had many kids grown up how they did the potty training successfully. They gave me a few different strategies they used because their kids are different. For the most part, the three day training was the most common and successful strategy.
Remember You are Doing Your Best
Ultimately, do your best. You won’t give 100% everyday. We are not perfect. But your children are perfect for you. Do your best to love them, truly love them. My definition of love is doing what is best for them in everything – whether that be discipline to help them learn, hugs to comfort, or deny them candies they want because it is unhealthy to eat too many. Remember what is it that you love most about your parents, what made them good (or bad) and implement those lessons the best way you know how. Remember, all the information out there are more like guidelines anyway.