One of the constants in human life is that it changes. As we grow up, we change grades and schools; our families move. We go to college or trade school. We get a job. Some of us get married and start our own families. We retire from our careers. We also change our values and our beliefs as we grow and learn. Change is an inevitability. Change can be exciting, but it can also be frightening. What will the next adventure be like? What new struggles will we need to overcome?
I have recently gone through some major life changes. I grew up in a large military family. We moved a lot. I earned my bachelor’s degree in Sociology back in 2008. That was not a good time to be looking for work – economic recessions and all that business. I tried for two years to get into law enforcement. Two years of much trial and error. I had a degree but no experience with oral boards or personal history statements and it showed. During this time, I worked odd jobs and got my EMT-B certification (which, again, 2008 was not a good year for newbies to the workforce). Finally, in 2010, I was hired on by a police department in northern Colorado. I had never been so excited in my life! They were hiring ONE police officer and I managed to wrangle it.
For a long while it was exciting, dangerous, and fun. Anyone going into law enforcement knows you go into it because you like to drive fast, shoot guns, and help people. I worked mostly swing shift on patrol for seven years. As the training sergeant during my initial testing process said the city “is a great place for police work”. Meaning it has everything: robberies, burglaries, murder, shootings, assaults, suicides, you name it. And it has a lot of people with altered mental status’. The city hosts a mental health facility, the place where they send all the tough cases to in northern Colorado. People who were suicidal were a daily call type. Someone talking to themselves and throwing rocks at cars or running naked down the street was pretty common. I can’t number the amount of calls I responded to of someone in psychosis. So, throw them in the mix with the local gangs and car thieves, and voila! You have the not-so-small-town I got to work in.
I was able to do some fun collateral assignments of Crisis Negotiations (or hostage negotiators) and Field Training. Being a Field Training Officer (FTO) has been one of my most rewarding experiences. You are in a position to teach, and you are in a position that requires a lot of patience, but you are also in a position to watch new officers grow.
The next life change was when I went into investigations for two years in the Person Crimes unit, specifically crimes against children. This work was not so much fun as it was satisfying. I could help truly innocent victims have a voice. When I came out back to patrol, I was promoted to the rank of Sergeant. I was a patrol sergeant until I early retired in 2023. I gave thirteen years of my life to my city and state.
During all of this time, I maintained my desire to marry and perhaps have children. I had to overcome the social messaging that children were bad. They mess up your body; they keep you from your career; being a stay-at-home-mom was not celebrated but I wanted it in my heart anyway. I even told my FTO that my five-year plan was to work at the department until I was married and had kids. Even then I then wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. I didn’t think much of it over the years and, over time, I did not think it would ever happen. I lost hope towards my 33rd birthday. Ten years I dated, but I never had a serious relationship. Law enforcement is not conducive to dating. Shift work, for one. Having an intimidating job is another. Plus, I’m almost six feet tall, so that did not help.
Luckily, my future husband and I finally found each other. It was the magic I was so looking for. We got married and I was blessed with two babies. It was also a major change in my life. Soon, I was able to stay home with them. This was a difficult adjustment. A lot of factors came into play but we made it work, and we sacrificed the things we didn’t necessarily need to go into a single income. I am now in a world of repetitive and monotonous work. Clean, cook, change diapers, feed babies, do laundry, shop for groceries, and repeat.
Whoever penned the meme “No one ever told me that raising kids was just a lot of standing up after I just sat down” was accurate. I have two babies less than two years apart, and they are in constant need of some form of attention. What’s great is that their nap times are not synced, so one goes down the other one wakes up. But they will wake up at the same time in the mornings…usually around 0600.
The adjustment takes time. There have been times of horrible self-doubt. I wish I loved homemaker skills. I do not hate them, but I certainly wish I had a passion for it. Thank goodness for Pinterest! I will give my praises for that website later.
So why am I telling you all of this? Because if anyone reading this is going through this journey, or considering it, I can tell you to keep heart. I can offer a perspective from both sides. There is a lot I am learning, as there is no playbook for parenting. There isn’t a playbook for relationships either. Everyone experiences things in different ways at different times, but that does not mean that we can’t learn from each other. While my experience may not be exactly like yours, what I have learned through interrogating criminals and negotiating with barricaded subjects is that we have all experienced the same emotions. We can empathize with those shared emotions. I may not have been cheated on, but I have felt betrayal. I might not have been chased and caught by police, but I can understand the fear of overwhelming loss of control.
One thing I have learned so far is that it is worth it. It is a different kind of hard and I salute every woman who chooses to stay home. Not everyone can, and I get that. We do what we can for those we love. Ultimately, what matters in the home is the quality of the souls of the inhabitants, not the structure itself. When we act out of love and the best of intentions, I believe our inevitable mistakes will be minor blips in the grand outcome of our relationships. We change as we grow and learn.
I imagine this blog will have a combination of light how-tos, new experiences, and recommendations; and lengthier thoughts on topics on family, societal effects on the family, and relationships. I look forward to going through this journey of change with you.